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| Kauai HI - Apr 2012 |
"Our stories create our emotions; we create our stories." What does that really mean?
The gist of this section, is that when you step back and look at a difficult situation and how we feel about the other person, there are often very little "facts" available to us. The typical chain of events is this: 1) You see, hear, or otherwise experience something, 2) You tell a story about the facts, 3) You generate a feeling, & 4) You act.
For example, someone at work doesn't invite you to lunch but invites everyone else. You may automatically think that this co-worker doesn't like you, is inconsiderate, they may be taking this opportunity to say something about you, etc. But the truth is, the only fact we really have in this situation is that your co-workers went to lunch and you weren't invited. In situations we dislike, our minds are pretty good at creating monsters out of people.
In the example, you can either brush it off, try to guess why you weren't invited (this is where some "great" stories can be created), or actually ask the person why you weren't invited, seeking to understand. It can become scary and very difficult to have healthy relationships, when we begin to accept the stories we've created about someone as "truth."
"Our stories create our emotions; we create our stories." Have you figured out what this means? If we can't influence our emotions, we cannot influence our behavior. Isn't that empowering? We can control our emotions/behavior & how we feel about others, by controlling the "stories" we tell ourselves about them.
So really, we are all excellent "story tellers." It's been very eye-opening to me to stop and recognize just how many things my brain automatically assumed or filled in about a person, even in fairly simple situations. I still think every person on this planet should read this book or take a course that covers the content. These skills can literally transform relationships.
What "stories" have you been telling yourself about someone? Does recognizing these created stories change the way you feel about them?
Great post! I've never really thought about the "stories" I create, but reading this I recognized how often I do this. Thanks for the insight.
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