Health, Happiness, & Peace

"To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him." - Buddha I stumbled across this quote and am loving it more & more each time I read it. I feel like there's a lot of profound truth in the quote. I'm constantly trying out ways to do this but it can be really tough. How successful are you at disciplining & controlling your mind? Has it helped you increase your health, happiness, & peace?

Guest Post: Blue

B asked me to do a guest post today which is timely because I've had this "thing" on my mind.  Earlier today, I listened to a podcast for the excellent program Radiolab.  Their latest episode, "Colors," is a fascinating look at the visible spectrum we call light.  This is even more impressive considering the that medium for Radiolab is entirely sound.

Without spilling all the beans, there was a section that was particular interesting to me and semi-relavent to this blog.  The color blue, which happens to be my favorite color, is actually a relatively recent concept in human history.  While we have always had the ability to see the spectrum of light called blue, we haven't always had a name for it.  We know this because ancient texts including Homer's Odyssey contains some really strange color references for things that we would normally call blue...without actually calling them blue.

Scientists theorize that having a label for blue back then just wasn't that useful.  There were no blue eyes in ancient Greece, no blue fruits or vegetables.  There definitely weren't any dangerous animals that are blue.  Blue pigment and dyes wouldn't come along for a long time.  In short, blue wasn't on the radar for an ancient Greek.

That got me thinking.

Are there things out there that we can perceive just fine that we don't notice? How many colors/ smells/ sounds/ tastes are there that don't have a label?  Are there emotions or feelings I can't relate because they don't have a name?

Assigning a name (blue) to things (the sky) does open up a whole new world by allowing us to communicate.  However, it sets limits as well.  For example, the sky is never just blue, in fact of 24 hours during the day, it is often not blue.  Yet, for most people, the sky is blue and we leave it at that.  It makes one think.  Are we missing the colors of the sky that are not blue?

It goes deeper than that.  Can we know what we don't know we're missing?

It happened with blue so it could definitely happen again.  The challenge for today:  Try to notice what you normally ignore.  Be "present" enough to experience all your senses working in the background.  Listen to the noise and see if there is, indeed, something there.  You might be surprised and discover something new for all of us.

Be Grateful

I'm grateful for a new job that started today! It feels great to work with people who work hard, yet know how to make the workplace fun & enjoyable. It's a very refreshing environment where I feel like I can thrive! It's also really great to have daily lunch dates with my best friend, the love of my life :) What are you grateful for today?

Who We will Become

“What we love determines what we seek. What we seek determines what we think and do. What we think and do determines who we are — and who we will become.”
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf

What do you love? Is it who you want to become?

Smile at Strangers

What a weird thing for me to post about today, right? Give it a chance and read on... :)

"There is virtually always a parallel between our attitude toward strangers and our overall level of happiness... if you think of strangers as being a little more like you and treat them not only with kindness and respect but with smiles and eye contact as well, you'll probably notice some pretty nice changes in yourself." -Richard Carlson

I remember the first time I walked down the sidewalk on my way to class at BYU-Idaho and just about every person I passed smiled as they walked by and said hello. I was a little surprised! I immediately caught on and started doing the same thing. It was really good for me; especially on my grouchier days because I'd muster up a smile and say hello because there was a mild "expectation" there. I know I smiled much more often during my college days because of it.

It was a little bit sad to watch the eye contact and hellos become less frequent throughout my years at college as iPods & other technology began to take over the attention and human interaction of so many people. It's easy to avoid interaction with others with the sunglasses on and the ear buds in, but take the challenge to smile at someone you don't know and say hello, each day this coming week. Maybe you'll notice a little positive change in yourself because of it :)

Ignoring Negative Thoughts

Lake Blanche - July 2011

"It has been estimated that the average human being has around 50,000 thoughts per day. That's a lot of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive. Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative--angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome. Indeed, the important question in terms of becoming more peaceful isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts--you are--it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have."
- Richard Carlson

We only have two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. We can either analyze, think through and ponder them or we can choose to ignore them, pay less attention to, and not take too seriously. In trying to have a more peaceful life, learning to take them less seriously is the most effective.

" When you have a thought--any thought--that's all it is, a thought! It can't hurt you without your consent... If you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a moment away. And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do." - Richard Carlson

What peace have you experienced by ignoring negative thoughts?

Have a great weekend!

Resist the Urge to Criticize

Puerta Vallarta - Oct 2011

In following my own advice from yesterday's post to keep things simple, I've decided to share some quotes from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, by Richard Carlson and a very brief thought. There were some comments shared in Relief Society a few weeks ago that triggered my thinking on this topic a bit.

"When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical... Criticism, like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit... It's something we get used to doing; we're familiar with how it feels. It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about."

So, we agree that it's a problem, but how do we fix it? "The solution is to catch yourself in the act of being critical. Notice how often you do it and how bad it makes you feel."

These quotes are excellent reminders for me. It can be pretty disappointing to recognize just how many criticizing and judgmental thoughts go through my head sometimes. Ideally, if we are able to catch ourselves in the act of being critical enough times, we can then get to a point where we "turn our criticism into tolerance and respect."

Do you had any recent thoughts or behaviors that are sending out the message: "I have a need to be critical?" How does it feel when you are successful at turning criticizing thoughts and actions into tolerance and respect?

Simplification

I'm just going to say it... as Americans, most of us are TOO BUSY! There's probably not many people out there who would disagree with me. It's a little bit of a mystery to me why we all naturally pack our lives so incredibly full of things to do, to the point of being literally, overloaded.

It's almost like we have too much to do to actually stop and enjoy life. Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to be "busy" enough that we're providing for ourselves and our families & being productive citizens. And we've all seen the graffiti that was put up by people who I assume don't have enough to do.  But is the quantity of life, in a way, destroying our quality of life?

A potential danger of overloading our lives and setting so many intense expectations for ourselves, is that we increase our likelihood of burnout and for some, depression. I assume that this is obvious to most people but why are so many affected by depression with the numbers of those affected constantly rising? Check out any of the statistics on depression; it may surprise you!  Supposedly, everyone will at some time in their life be affected by depression, whether it's their own or interacting with someone else dealing with it. We can change that statement and the statistics! We don't have to settle for a life doomed to feeling overloaded and depressed.

From the book Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff, by Richard Carlson. I love the chapter called "Remind Yourself that When You die, Your 'In Basket' Won't be Empty." I love his perspective. "So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and keep our loved ones waiting... Often, we convince ourselves that our obsession with our 'to do' list is only temporary--that once we get through the list, we'll be calm, relaxed, and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked off, new ones simply replace them."

He goes on to say, "The nature of your 'in basket' is that its meant to have items to be completed in it--it's not meant to be empty. There will always be phone calls that need to be made, projects to complete, and work to be done... Regardless of who you are or what you do, however, remember that nothing is more important  than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and that of your loved ones. If you're obsessed with getting everything done, you'll never have a sense of well-being! In reality, almost everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the 'emergency' category." I love that he said "almost everything can wait," because it can, yet we too often convince ourselves otherwise. 

So you don't have to make time later, take a minute right now to think about some of the unnecessary things you do every day/week/month. Can any of them be eliminated or put on a list of "things to do at another time" so that you can simplify and maximize your satisfaction with life right now?

Master My Stories

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

Time to wrap up my thoughts on Crucial Conversations with my other top favorite sections, "Master My Stories." This concept has forever changed my thinking.

"Our stories create our emotions; we create our stories." What does that really mean?

The gist of this section, is that when you step back and look at a difficult situation and how we feel about the other person, there are often very little "facts" available to us. The typical chain of events is this: 1) You see, hear, or otherwise experience something, 2) You tell a story about the facts, 3) You generate a feeling, & 4) You act.

For example, someone at work doesn't invite you to lunch but invites everyone else. You may automatically think that this co-worker doesn't like you, is inconsiderate, they may be taking this opportunity to say something about you, etc. But the truth is, the only fact we really have in this situation is that your co-workers went to lunch and you weren't invited. In situations we dislike, our minds are pretty good at creating monsters out of people.

In the example, you can either brush it off, try to guess why you weren't invited (this is where some "great" stories can be created), or actually ask the person why you weren't invited, seeking to understand. It can become scary and very difficult to have healthy relationships, when we begin to accept the stories we've created about someone as "truth."

"Our stories create our emotions; we create our stories." Have you figured out what this means? If we can't influence our emotions, we cannot influence our behavior. Isn't that empowering? We can control our emotions/behavior & how we feel about others, by controlling the "stories" we tell ourselves about them.

So really, we are all excellent "story tellers." It's been very eye-opening to me to stop and recognize just how many things my brain automatically assumed or filled in about a person, even in fairly simple situations. I still think every person on this planet should read this book or take a course that covers the content. These skills can literally transform relationships.

What "stories" have you been telling yourself about someone? Does recognizing these created stories change the way you feel about them?

30 Day Challenge

Today I'd like to invite anyone reading this post to take on a 30 Day Challenge with Eric and I!

We've done this challenge a couple of times this year and have decided to do it again :) The basics of the challenge are listed below. If you're willing and ready to do more, follow the link above for the original challenge Eric & I accepted and will be doing for the next 30 days, starting today!

• No sugar
• No grains (corn is a grain, so it's a no no)
• 3-5 hours of slow movement/activity per week

Think you can do it?  When you first start looking in your fridge and pantry, you may feel pretty restricted but I would suggest focusing on all of the things you can eat during this challenge (meat, fruit, vegetables, nuts, dairy, etc). There are tons of great options to choose from!

I'm definitely concerned with the health of our country. Regardless of anyone's political views, I think we can all agree that we have a serious problem. Weight is steadily increasing, body fat percentages are too often in the danger zone, disease and allergies are running rampant, etc. The current guidelines we've been given, obviously aren't working for the majority.

I don't want to tell anyone how they should eat but a site that I love to go to for ideas and recipes is Marks Daily Apple. His site is actually where we got the challenge from. Mark Sisson promotes "primal living," which is more encompassing than just what you put in your mouth. He talks a lot about simplifying our lives and focusing on quality versus quantity. I love that!

Another interesting article Eric shared with me recently talks about sugars and grains and their correlation with obesity, even during the Great Depression (Why the Campaign to Stop America's Obesity Crisis Keeps Failing). I'm probably just crazy but I found this article pretty intriguing.

This challenge does require a little bit of an open mind because it doesn't necessarily go in line with the "conventional wisdom" we are taught (the food pyramid, etc). I do suggest giving it a try and seeing how your body reacts to it. The first time I tried the challenge, I definitely experienced the Carb Flu for a week or two. As your body adjusts to burning fat for energy instead of carbohydrates, you may end up losing weight, reducing body fat, sleeping better, be less affected by allergies, have clearer skin, experience clearer thinking, etc. Some have even resolved infertility issues after removing grains and sugar from their diet. 

I figure there are worse things you could try for 30 days besides adding a little movement to your week and removing sugar and grains from your diet, right? If you decide to take on the challenge, keep me posted on your progress and let me know if you have any questions or could use some tips. If in 30 days, you don't feel better and aren't getting the results you want, you have my permission to stop. I certainly won't be any better or worse off, no matter the decision you make :) Have a great week!

Tribute to My Mother

I love that we have a day dedicated to mothers! I have been blessed to have many amazing "mothers" in my life. Today, I want to pay a special tribute to and brag a little bit about my sweet, earthly mother.

I feel extremely blessed to have been born to an extraordinary mother! To me, she is an amazing example of the Savior, always giving unconditionally. I am often amazed at what she is willing to drop at a moments notice to take care of her family. I know that she has sacrificed many of her own comforts and desires to take care of us and so many others.

My mother has more common sense and skills than any other person I know! Mom has developed and been given some incredible talents. She isn't afraid to try something new and is so creative and innovative. To me, she is the definition of a  strong, hard-working woman. They just don't come more amazing than my mom :)

Regardless of the trials in this life, she has been solid and faithful; she is a spiritual giant! I know and can never doubt what she believes in and is striving for, because she lives it every day. Mom always encourages us to be the best we can be and does it in such a genuine and caring way. I have really appreciated the relationship of trust we have.

I have always felt her support throughout the different experiences and seasons of my life. Her dedication to our family is inspiring. What she currently does and has done for me, is far more than can ever be repaid.

Thank you for your strength, your wonderful example, and amazing life so far. I consider myself extremely blessed to be a part of it. If I am able to become even half the woman you are, I will consider my life to be a success! Thanks for being the best mom and best friend a daughter could hope for :) I love and admire you!

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."         -Abraham Lincoln

Make it Safe

I don't want to spend much time on the next section "Learn to Look." I will say though, there definitely is value in being able to identify signs of a conversation becoming crucial (noticing feelings of frustration, annoyance, feeling hot & sweaty, you or the person you're talking to becoming "silent" or "violent", etc). It can be easier to "save/recover" a conversation if these signs are realized early on. If you have a couple of minutes, I would suggest taking the assessment that can help you understand your "Style Under Stress."

Puerta Vallarta - Oct 2011

Alright, on to one of my favorite sections of the course "Make it Safe." Check out this quote:

"When things go wrong in crucial conversations, we assume the content of our message is the problem, so we begin to water it down or avoid it altogether. You can't be too honest. If you learn how to make it safe, you can talk to almost anyone about almost anything."

Think back to a crucial conversation you've had that didn't go very well and you immediately thought "what could I have said to make that go better?" The interesting thing is, the words you said might not have been the problem (although sometimes it definitely is).

"When it comes to safety, it's all about intent. When people start feeling unsafe and move to silence or violence, it isn't because of the content; its because of the intent. If your intent is pure, you can talk candidly. If not, you can't." At work, I have been the most successful in creating a "safe" environment when I try to create & start with Mutual Purpose in difficult conversations. It's been kind of fun to consciously practice this skill.

"Without Mutual Purpose people withhold meaning. When others think that our purpose is to blame, win, or hide the truth, they are likely to avoid an interaction or withdraw from a conversation rather than freely share their meaning."

"Mutual Purpose is the foundation of trust. When others believe that your intent is positive, they don't worry that you're trying to force your opinion and are even willing to listen to potentially painful content."

Wow, right? Without "safety," crucial conversations will likely never be successful. Making these connections are awesome! I finally understand why some conversations I've had in the past didn't go well, even though I had planned out my words very carefully in advance. It was probably because I didn't have pure intent and/or make the environment "safe." We can try to fake our intent but people are generally pretty good at detecting if it's genuine or not, so I'd suggest keeping it real :)

Have you had well-planned conversations that didn't go well? Was it because of your intent or because you had not created a safe relationship or environment for the one you were talking to?

Start with Heart

It's time for the next section of the Crucial Conversations course, "Start with Heart."

"When Conversations turn crucial, three things happen to us-and they all affect our heart: 1) We become blind to our own role in the problem, 2) Our motives degrade, and 3) We limit our choices."

Here are some skills to develop that can help us work with and maybe even overcome some of these natural tendencies. First, we must focus on what we really want. A couple of great question to ask yourself in a crucial conversation is, what am I acting like I want? What results do I really want? And the follow up question would be, how would I behave if I really did? After going through this series of questions, there is now a great opportunity to change your behavior if it's currently not helping you achieve the outcome you want.

"Admit your role. It's hard to work on ourselves first when we become blind to our own role in any problem we may be experiencing. When we experience a problem, we see others and the role they're playing. Seldom do we see ourselves. We're on the wrong side of our eyeballs."

Another other interesting concept in this section is called the "Sucker's Choice." The "Sucker's Choice" is basically changing an outcome to an "or" statement. For example, "I can either discipline my child, or have my child like me." The authors of Crucial Conversations challenge all statements of this nature. Avoiding the "Sucker's Choice" does require us to change our thinking. They suggest using the statement "I wonder how..."So in this same example, you would ask yourself, "I wonder how I can discipline my child and still have them like me."

Isn't it funny how often we do this? We instantly make quick, false conclusions. I think we tend to take the "Sucker's Choice" because it's easier than trying to figure out how to achieve both desired outcomes in a situation. Attaining multiple outcomes may require some creativity and "out of the box" thinking but can really be worth the effort!

When you find yourself in a crucial conversation in the next day or two and see that it's heading in a direction different from what you want, take just a second to stop and ask yourself "what do I really want? Where is my motive/heart right now?

Crucial Conversations - Part I

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to take a "Crucial Conversations" course through work. The course was developed by the authors of the book Crucial Conversations. While taking the course, the thought came to me, "why are we never taught these skills? Every person on this planet could really benefit from learning these skills and trying to master them." They can be used at work, church, home, or anywhere. Today I would simply like to introduce the topic.

So to start out, what makes a conversation crucial? Every crucial conversation contains three elements: 1) Opposing opinions, 2) Strong emotions, and 3) High stakes.

This quote is used often throughout the material but it's so true: "When it matters most, we often do our worst." Our amazing bodies naturally trigger adrenaline that drives blood from our brain into our limbs, so it can help us fight or take flight in the face of danger. Unfortunately, this loss of blood in brain can really limit our ability to think and act rationally.

The first skill to learn to better have crucial conversations is to "Identify Where You're Stuck." Under the Law of Crucial Conversations it says: " Anytime you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations keeping you there." We need to be able to figure out what conversations we are either not holding or not holding well. Here are some questions the course provided that you can ask yourself to help figure out where you may be "stuck."

• What bad results do you want to fix?
• What good results are you currently unable to achieve?
• What problem are you always trying to fix?
• What do people gripe about?

After asking yourself these questions, it's time to officially ask, where are you stuck? Stay tuned for insight on how to become "unstuck."

The Law of Attraction

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

You may have heard about the theory/concept of the Law of Attraction. "The science of attracting more of what you want and less of what you don't." The Law of Attraction is an interesting book by Michael J. Losier. Here is his definition of the Law of Attraction: "I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative."

Personally, I'm not sure I would call it a science, but it does make sense to me that we are always producing energy (vibrations) that are either positive or negative (there doesn't seem to be "neutral" vibrations) and that positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. The book is fairly short and doesn't have a lot of words on each page but it definitely got me thinking about what I tend to focus on during my day.

I remember reading in a book once, that said on average, 90% of our day is composed of good and positive things and about 10% that are undesirable or bad. Unfortunately, that 10% is often what we remember and focus on. If we give our attention, energy, and focus to the 10% of undesirable happenings of our day, we will likely attract more of it.

So you're probably asking by now, how do I get out of that rut and start attracting more of what I do want? The book suggests 3 steps: 1) Identify Your Desire, 2) Give Your Desire Attention, 3) Allow It. I find that where I often fall short is between steps 2 and 3. I'm pretty good at knowing what I want and giving it quite a bit of attention (in my thoughts, talking to others about it, etc). But just like most people, I don't want to be let down and so I get to a point where I let go of the attention to try to preserve my emotions, fearing the possibility of being let down. At this point, I am not allowing my desires to happen.

But what I'm thinking now, is GO BIG! Dream big! I say, know your desires, give them all the attention you can (study it out, pray, talk to others about your desire, etc), and allow your desires to happen and bless your life. I really feel that life is too short to be afraid of disappointment. Maybe the Law of Attraction isn't real? I don't think you'll be any worse off for giving it a try :) Seriously, what do we have to lose?

What is a desire you have today, that needs more of your attention and then allowed to happen in your life?

The Missing Curriculum

San Antonio TX - Feb 2012

Another motivation for starting this blog is my sincere concern with the lack of crucial skills being taught in our society today. Unfortunately acquiring some of the most fundamental skills are not naturally built into our culture of learning and development.

I find it interesting that we are required to spend hours on mathematics courses, learning many concepts most human beings will never use in ever day life. Yet so many individuals don't know how to save money. I'm shocked at how many people do not have a budget or know how to live by one (you know, spend less than you make... foreign concept, I know). As human beings, we generally don't have good listening skills or know how to hold a very important conversation effectively.  Most people become parents, but a person has to go pretty far out of their way to schedule time, pay for, and attend a parenting course. I like to refer to these types of areas as "The Missing Curriculum."

These are skills & tools (along with many others I will be addressing) that I believe every person needs to have education on and access to, in order to live a more sustainable and enjoyable life. I'm actually in the beginning stages of writing a book about these skills. Depending on my motivation level, we'll see how long it takes me to write it. :) I have come across so many amazing books that cover one or two of these topics but have yet to find something that is more all-encompassing. 

I have quite a list of skills I will be covering but for today I'll ask, what do you see as "missing curriculum" in our world today?

The Making of Meaning

As I am wrapping up some of my thoughts on Flow, I wanted to share some pictures of a recent "flow" experience I had. Sorry about the poor picture quality; they were taken with a cheap grocery store waterproof camera :)

Snorkeling in Kauai was one of the first activities I recognized as being a "flow" experience for me, since reading Flow. It was amazing to me how calm and peaceful all the fish were. They didn't mind us being here at all. I think that time flew by while snorkeling, because I was so focused and determined to find the turtles everyone had been talking about (I admit, I do have a strange obsession with turtles)! Once I found the turtles, I stalked them for quite a while... slowly swimming quietly above them. I felt like a little kid again. I loved it!

Now, on to the quotes of the day to think about...

"When an important goal is pursued with resolution, and all one's varied activities fit together into a unified flow experience, the result is that harmony is brought to consciousness. Someone who knows his desires and works with purpose to achieve them is a person whose feelings, thoughts, and actions are congruent with one another, and is therefore a person who has achieved inner harmony...

Purpose, resolution, and harmony unify life and give it meaning by transforming it into a seamless flow experience. Whoever achieves this state will never really lack anything else. A person whose consciousness is so ordered need not fear unexpected events, or even death. Every living moment will make sense, and most of it will be enjoyable."

Are you attaining purpose, resolution, and harmony to make meaning in your life? For more insight on this topic, I'd highly suggest reading Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi :)

Inspiration from a Young Man's Life

I'm switching gears from what I had originally decided to post about today, because of the news I  received late last night, that my 15 year old brother's dear friend passed away on Thursday. I'd like to dedicate this post to him and his precious life.

This young man has been battling leukemia since a very young age. I immediately shed quite a few tears after receiving the news of his passing. I was a little bit taken back by my reaction, mainly because I have only met this young man once or twice. Death of young people has always been especially hard for me to handle but I felt like I was crying a lot for someone I didn't really know. He was a dear friend to my brother, who is a cancer survivor.

As I have been reflecting on my reaction to the news, it has really made me think about the legacy I will leave behind when my time is up in this life.

Since moving out of the house, I would periodically hear updates on this young man's health status while visiting my parents. Regardless of whether or not the health update was that he was in remission or that the cancer was back, everything I ever heard about him was positive. He would often visit my brother in the hospital during his Chemotherapy treatments and even come visit from his own hospital room when he was going through cancer treatments at the same time. I heard stories of him making phone calls and working on his scouting projects from his hospital bed.

What an amazing attitude he chose to have, regardless of the difficult challenges he faced for many, many years. The last time I saw him, he had stopped by my parent's house to deliver a Christmas gift to my brother. He was an inspiring example of the Savior. Regardless of his suffering and energy levels, he took the time to serve, leaving a legacy of thoughtfulness, love, and kindness.

I want to live a life, so that no matter when my time here ends, I will leave a positive legacy behind, regardless of how well someone knew me or not. Caleb, thank you for your life that has inspired the lives of those you didn't even know. You are loved and missed. I know your Father in Heaven is pleased with what you did with the short, precious years you were given here.

For those reading, what type of legacy you are creating for others to remember you by?

The Ratio Between Challenges & Skills

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

"Engaging in enjoyment comes at a very specific point: whenever the opportunities for action perceived by the individual are equal to his or her capabilities."

A good example is two people playing tennis who are not equally matched. The player with less skills naturally feels anxious and the better player will likely become bored quickly. Mihaly went on to say that "enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, when the challenges are just balanced with the person's capacity to act.

When all a person's relevant skills are needed to cope with the challenges of a situation, that person's attention is completely absorbed by the activity. There is no excess psychic energy left over to process any information but what the activity offers. All the Attention is concentrated on the relevant stimuli.

As a result, one of the universal and distinctive features of optimal experience takes place: People become so involved in what they are doing that the activity becomes spontaneous, almost automatic; they stop being aware of themselves as separate from the actions they are performing."

So what was my take away from this? I've decided that I should definitely take more opportunities to evaluate the balance of challenges and skills (and make the appropriate alterations to the challenge) to yield maximum enjoyment of all involved in the activity. This can be pretty difficult, especially in a large group. What are some examples you have of altering challenges to match the skill levels of those you are participating with in an activity?

The Importance of Human Interaction

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

"Whether we are in the company of other people or not makes a great difference to the quality of experience. We are biologically programmed to find other human beings the most important objects in the world. Because they can make life either very interesting and fulfilling or utterly miserable, how we manage relationships with them makes an enormous difference to our happiness. If we learn to make our relations with others more like flow experiences, our quality of life as a whole is going to be much improved."  (Flow, Chapter 8)

I realize the importance and need to have quality alone time once in a while but I am definitely someone who, for the majority of the time, thrives when I am with people. Some of my fondest memories and experiences were shared with people I am close to and would do anything for.

This quote made me think about the people I currently spend the majority of my time with. Am I investing my time with others who are naturally helping me achieve my goal of optimal life experiences? But probably just as important, am I being the type of person who is helping to improve the quality of life of others? Something to think about... :)

Pleasure and Enjoyment

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

I'm coming back to the book Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I'm excited to share this concept that seems so simple, yet I had never recognized before.

"Pleasure is a feeling of contentment that one achieves whenever information in consciousness says that expectations set by biological programs or by social conditioning have been met." The examples of pleasure given are: tasting good food, passively absorbing media, traveling, etc. Of course pleasure is enjoyable and important but alone, it doesn't ultimately bring happiness.

"Enjoyment is characterized by this forward movement: by a sense of novelty, of accomplishment." The examples of enjoyment might be playing a close game of tennis or reading an inspiring book. "After an enjoyable event, we know that we have changed, that our self has grown: in some respect, we have become more complex as a result of it."

I had never thought about pleasure and enjoyment as being two different things. I always thought they were synonyms.  The idea is that we need both pleasure and enjoyment to achieve happiness. Pleasure is what provides homeostasis for us, while enjoyment challenges us and helps us grow. I think challenges are more gratifying then we realize.

I'm sure this post doesn't do the concept justice but can you see why it's important to be able to distinguish between pleasure and enjoyment and why we need both to achieve happiness? I usually experience pleasure in taking a leisurely walk or by simply laying on my back in the sunshine. True enjoyment for me, is often found in a competitive, intense game of volleyball! What activities provide pleasure and which provide enjoyment for you? Do you have any that have accomplished both pleasure and enjoyment?

Gratitude

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

The day has gotten away from me and work comes early in the morning... so today, I am grateful for a body healthy enough to enjoy a great walk with my sweetheart on a beautiful day. We'll get back to "Flow" tomorrow. What are you thankful for today?

Flow

Kauai HI - Apr 2012

I wanted to start my first post by promoting a book I recently finished call Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. This book is actually what inspired me to blog (in general) and to post something daily.   

Flow was written to explain the psychology of optimal experience. Something I took away from this book is that in order to obtain optimal experiences, we must become life-long learners. We're not talking about traditional school learning where you're simply cramming information into your mind for tomorrow's quiz that you probably won't remember next semester (over even next week). It's about investing time and energy into one topic or activity just because you find it interesting and enjoyable. The goal is to get "lost" in the experience; where time doesn't seem to exist because you're so caught up in the enjoyment of what you're doing. I'd like to share some of the other things I learned from this book over the next few days but the question to think about today is what type of activities/learning do you enjoy the most? When was the last time you allowed yourself to be immersed in these moments?